In the first place, Miss Minchin lived in London.
Her home was a large, dull, tall one, in a large,
dull square, where all the houses were alike,
and all the sparrows were alike, and where all the
door-knockers made the same heavy sound, and
on still days--and nearly all the days were still--
seemed to resound through the entire row in which
the knock was knocked. On Miss Minchin's door there
was a brass plate. On the brass plate there was
inscribed in black letters,
- MISS MINCHIN'S -
SELECT SEMINARY FOR YOUNG LADIES
Little Sara Crewe never went in or out of the house
without reading that door-plate and reflecting upon it.
By the time she was twelve, she had decided that
all her trouble arose because, in the first place,
she was not "Select," and in the second she was not
a "Young Lady." When she was eight years old,
she had been brought to Miss Minchin as a pupil,
and left with her. Her papa had brought her all
the way from India. Her mamma had died when she
was a baby, and her papa had kept her with him as
long as he could. And then, finding the hot climate
was making her very delicate, he had brought her to
England and left her with Miss Minchin, to be part
of the Select Seminary for Young Ladies. Sara, who
had always been a sharp little child, who remembered
things, recollected hearing him say that he had
not a relative in the world whom he knew of, and
so he was obliged to place her at a boarding-school,
and he had heard Miss Minchin's establishment
spoken of very highly. The same day, he took Sara
out and bought her a great many beautiful clothes--
clothes so grand and rich that only a very young
and inexperienced man would have bought them for
a mite of a child who was to be brought up in a
boarding-school. But the fact was that he was a rash,
innocent young man, and very sad at the thought of
parting with his little girl, who was all he had left
to remind him of her beautiful mother, whom he had
dearly loved. And he wished her to have everything
the most fortunate little girl could have; and so,
when the polite saleswomen in the shops said,
"Here is our very latest thing in hats, the plumes
are exactly the same as those we sold to Lady
Diana Sinclair yesterday," he immediately bought
what was offered to him, and paid whatever was asked.
The consequence was that Sara had a most
extraordinary wardrobe. Her dresses were silk
and velvet and India cashmere, her hats and
bonnets were covered with bows and plumes, her
small undergarments were adorned with real lace,
and she returned in the cab to Miss Minchin's
with a doll almost as large as herself, dressed
quite as grandly as herself, too.
Then her papa gave Miss Minchin some money
and went away, and for several days Sara would
neither touch the doll, nor her breakfast, nor her
dinner, nor her tea, and would do nothing but
crouch in a small corner by the window and cry.
She cried so much, indeed, that she made herself ill.
She was a queer little child, with old-fashioned
ways and strong feelings, and she had adored
her papa, and could not be made to think that
India and an interesting bungalow were not
better for her than London and Miss Minchin's
Select Seminary. The instant she had entered
the house, she had begun promptly to hate Miss
Minchin, and to think little of Miss Amelia
Minchin, who was smooth and dumpy, and lisped,
and was evidently afraid of her older sister.
Miss Minchin was tall, and had large, cold, fishy
eyes, and large, cold hands, which seemed fishy,
too, because they were damp and made chills run
down Sara's back when they touched her, as
Miss Minchin pushed her hair off her forehead
and said:
"A most beautiful and promising little girl,
Captain Crewe. She will be a favorite pupil;
quite a favorite pupil, I see."
For the first year she was a favorite pupil;
at least she was indulged a great deal more than
was good for her. And when the Select Seminary
went walking, two by two, she was always decked
out in her grandest clothes, and led by the hand
at the head of the genteel procession, by Miss
Minchin herself. And when the parents of any
of the pupils came, she was always dressed and
called into the parlor with her doll; and she used
to hear Miss Minchin say that her father was a
distinguished Indian officer, and she would be
heiress to a great fortune. That her father had
inherited a great deal of money, Sara had heard
before; and also that some day it would be
hers, and that he would not remain long in
the army, but would come to live in London.
And every time a letter came, she hoped it would
say he was coming, and they were to live together again.
But about the middle of the third year a letter
came bringing very different news. Because he
was not a business man himself, her papa had
given his affairs into the hands of a friend
he trusted. The friend had deceived and robbed him.
All the money was gone, no one knew exactly where,
and the shock was so great to the poor, rash young
officer, that, being attacked by jungle fever
shortly afterward, he had no strength to rally,
and so died, leaving Sara, with no one to take care
of her.
Miss Minchin's cold and fishy eyes had never
looked so cold and fishy as they did when Sara
went into the parlor, on being sent for, a few days
after the letter was received.
No one had said anything to the child about
mourning, so, in her old-fashioned way, she had
decided to find a black dress for herself, and had
picked out a black velvet she had outgrown, and
came into the room in it, looking the queerest little
figure in the world, and a sad little figure too.
The dress was too short and too tight, her face
was white, her eyes had dark rings around them,
and her doll, wrapped in a piece of old black
crape, was held under her arm. She was not a
pretty child. She was thin, and had a weird,
interesting little face, short black hair, and very
large, green-gray eyes fringed all around with
heavy black lashes.
I am the ugliest child in the school," she had
said once, after staring at herself in the glass for
some minutes.
But there had been a clever, good-natured little
French teacher who had said to the music-master:
"Zat leetle Crewe. Vat a child! A so ogly beauty!
Ze so large eyes! ze so little spirituelle face.
Waid till she grow up. You shall see!"
This morning, however, in the tight, small
black frock, she looked thinner and odder than
ever, and her eyes were fixed on Miss Minchin
with a queer steadiness as she slowly advanced
into the parlor, clutching her doll.
"Put your doll down!" said Miss Minchin.
"No," said the child, I won't put her down;
I want her with me. She is all I have. She has
stayed with me all the time since my papa died."
She had never been an obedient child. She had
had her own way ever since she was born, and there
was about her an air of silent determination under
which Miss Minchin had always felt secretly uncomfortable.
And that lady felt even now that perhaps it would be
as well not to insist on her point. So she looked
at her as severely as possible.
"You will have no time for dolls in future,"
she said; "you will have to work and improve
yourself, and make yourself useful."
Sara kept the big odd eyes fixed on her teacher
and said nothing.
"Everything will be very different now," Miss
Minchin went on. "I sent for you to talk to
you and make you understand. Your father
is dead. You have no friends. You have
no money. You have no home and no one to take
care of you."
The little pale olive face twitched nervously,
but the green-gray eyes did not move from Miss
Minchin's, and still Sara said nothing.
"What are you staring at?" demanded Miss
Minchin sharply. "Are you so stupid you don't
understand what I mean? I tell you that you are
quite alone in the world, and have no one to do
anything for you, unless I choose to keep you here."
The truth was, Miss Minchin was in her worst mood.
To be suddenly deprived of a large sum of money
yearly and a show pupil, and to find herself
with a little beggar on her hands, was more than
she could bear with any degree of calmness.
"Now listen to me," she went on, "and remember
what I say. If you work hard and prepare to make
yourself useful in a few years, I shall let you
stay here. You are only a child, but you are a
sharp child, and you pick up things almost
without being taught. You speak French very well,
and in a year or so you can begin to help with the
younger pupils. By the time you are fifteen you
ought to be able to do that much at least."
"I can speak French better than you, now," said
Sara; "I always spoke it with my papa in India."
Which was not at all polite, but was painfully true;
because Miss Minchin could not speak French at all,
and, indeed, was not in the least a clever person.
But she was a hard, grasping business woman; and,
after the first shock of disappointment, had seen
that at very little expense to herself she might
prepare this clever, determined child to be very
useful to her and save her the necessity of paying
large salaries to teachers of languages.
"Don't be impudent, or you will be punished," she said.
"You will have to improve your manners if you expect
to earn your bread. You are not a parlor boarder now.
Remember that if you don't please me, and I send you
away, you have no home but the street. You can go now."
Sara turned away.
"Stay," commanded Miss Minchin, "don't you intend
to thank me?"
Sara turned toward her. The nervous twitch
was to be seen again in her face, and she seemed
to be trying to control it.
"What for?" she said.
For my kindness to you," replied Miss Minchin.
"For my kindness in giving you a home."
Sara went two or three steps nearer to her.
Her thin little chest was heaving up and down,
and she spoke in a strange, unchildish voice.
"You are not kind," she said. "You are not kind."
And she turned again and went out of the room,
leaving Miss Minchin staring after her strange,
small figure in stony anger.
The child walked up the staircase, holding tightly
to her doll; she meant to go to her bedroom,
but at the door she was met by Miss Amelia.
"You are not to go in there," she said. "That is
not your room now."
"Where is my room? " asked Sara.
"You are to sleep in the attic next to the cook."
Sara walked on. She mounted two flights more,
and reached the door of the attic room, opened
it and went in, shutting it behind her. She stood
against it and looked about her. The room was
slanting-roofed and whitewashed; there was a
rusty grate, an iron bedstead, and some odd
articles of furniture, sent up from better rooms
below, where they had been used until they were
considered to be worn out. Under the skylight
in the roof, which showed nothing but an oblong
piece of dull gray sky, there was a battered
old red footstool.
Sara went to it and sat down. She was a queer child,
as I have said before, and quite unlike other children.
She seldom cried. She did not cry now. She laid her
doll, Emily, across her knees, and put her face down
upon her, and her arms around her, and sat there,
her little black head resting on the black crape,
not saying one word, not making one sound.
From that day her life changed entirely. Sometimes she
used to feel as if it must be another life altogether,
the life of some other child. She was a little
drudge and outcast; she was given her lessons at
odd times and expected to learn without being taught;
she was sent on errands by Miss Minchin, Miss Amelia
and the cook. Nobody took any notice of her except
when they ordered her about. She was often kept busy
all day and then sent into the deserted school-room
with a pile of books to learn her lessons or practise
at night. She had never been intimate with the
other pupils, and soon she became so shabby that,
taking her queer clothes together with her queer
little ways, they began to look upon her as a being
of another world than their own. The fact was that,
as a rule, Miss Minchin's pupils were rather dull,
matter-of-fact young people, accustomed to being rich
and comfortable; and Sara, with her elfish cleverness,
her desolate life, and her odd habit of fixing her
eyes upon them and staring them out of countenance,
was too much for them.
"She always looks as if she was finding you out,"
said one girl, who was sly and given to making mischief.
"I am," said Sara promptly, when she heard of it.
"That's what I look at them for. I like to know
about people. I think them over afterward."
She never made any mischief herself or interfered
with any one. She talked very little, did as she
was told, and thought a great deal. Nobody knew,
and in fact nobody cared, whether she was unhappy
or happy, unless, perhaps, it was Emily, who lived
in the attic and slept on the iron bedstead at night.
Sara thought Emily understood her feelings, though
she was only wax and had a habit of staring herself.
Sara used to talk to her at night.
"You are the only friend I have in the world,"
she would say to her. "Why don't you say something?
Why don't you speak? Sometimes I am sure you could,
if you would try. It ought to make you try,
to know you are the only thing I have. If I were
you, I should try. Why don't you try?"
It really was a very strange feeling she had
about Emily. It arose from her being so desolate.
She did not like to own to herself that her
only friend, her only companion, could feel and
hear nothing. She wanted to believe, or to pretend
to believe, that Emily understood and sympathized
with her, that she heard her even though she did
not speak in answer. She used to put her in a
chair sometimes and sit opposite to her on the old
red footstool, and stare at her and think and
pretend about her until her own eyes would grow
large with something which was almost like fear,
particularly at night, when the garret was so still,
when the only sound that was to be heard was the
occasional squeak and scurry of rats in the wainscot.
There were rat-holes in the garret, and Sara
detested rats, and was always glad Emily was with
her when she heard their hateful squeak and rush
and scratching. One of her "pretends" was that
Emily was a kind of good witch and could protect her.
Poor little Sara! everything was "pretend" with her.
She had a strong imagination; there was almost more
imagination than there was Sara, and her whole forlorn,
uncared-for child-life was made up of imaginings.
She imagined and pretended things until she almost
believed them, and she would scarcely have been surprised
at any remarkable thing that could have happened.
So she insisted to herself that Emily understood all
about her troubles and was really her friend.
"As to answering," she used to say, "I don't
answer very often. I never answer when I can
help it. When people are insulting you, there is
nothing so good for them as not to say a word--
just to look at them and think. Miss Minchin
turns pale with rage when I do it. Miss Amelia
looks frightened, so do the girls. They know you
are stronger than they are, because you are strong
enough to hold in your rage and they are not,
and they say stupid things they wish they hadn't
said afterward. There's nothing so strong as rage,
except what makes you hold it in--that's stronger.
It's a good thing not to answer your enemies.
I scarcely ever do. Perhaps Emily is more like
me than I am like myself. Perhaps she would
rather not answer her friends, even. She keeps
it all in her heart."
But though she tried to satisfy herself with these
arguments, Sara did not find it easy. When, after
a long, hard day, in which she had been sent
here and there, sometimes on long errands,
through wind and cold and rain; and, when she
came in wet and hungry, had been sent out again
because nobody chose to remember that she was
only a child, and that her thin little legs might be
tired, and her small body, clad in its forlorn, too
small finery, all too short and too tight, might be
chilled; when she had been given only harsh
words and cold, slighting looks for thanks, when
the cook had been vulgar and insolent; when
Miss Minchin had been in her worst moods, and
when she had seen the girls sneering at her among
themselves and making fun of her poor, outgrown
clothes--then Sara did not find Emily quite all
that her sore, proud, desolate little heart needed
as the doll sat in her little old chair and stared.